Despite the sweltering temperatures and the piles of beach sand on our minivan’s floor, back-to-school season is just around the corner here in Florida. This year, for the first time, my 3-year-old twins will attend preschool. The three-hour-a-day, three-day-a-week program won’t exactly be life changing for me, but I’m still a little torn about how I feel.
Starting preschool – is it a “Yahoo!” or “Boo hoo” moment for me as a mom?
When twins are your only children, the milestones come fast and furious. One day you are pregnant and the next you are driving home with two new little lives to care for. Often, twins achieve major developmental benchmarks in tandem. So first words, first steps, first birthdays all tend to happen together. As a twin mom, knowing you will only experience these pivotal moments once can be overwhelming.
In a couple of weeks, I will send my first (and last, and only) babies off for their first ever day of school. And my experience will be different than that of other moms with children of different ages. I will never get to be the sobbing preschool mom, letting go of her first born for the first time, secretly relieved that I get to go home and cuddle my newborn and do it all over again. Nor will I ever be the experienced mom, the one who has done this all before and can’t wait to join her girlfriends for a mimosa now that the last of the littles is in school. I will go from a house full of giggles, shrieks, and occasional tears to a quiet one, all at once.
As we get ready for our first day, I’m all smiles on the outside, cheerfully buying backpacks and new school shoes. But deep down, I’m a little unsure about my new place in the world. Now I’m a “school mom,” soon to be volunteering at parties and waiting in the carpool line. The amount of time my kids spend in school will grow longer and they will need me less and less. For the first time in a long time, I’m not quite sure what my days will look like.
The first days of preschool will be the opposite of the early days just after I brought Mia and Miles both home. I will go from having two adorable little shadows following my every move to having an empty house for the first time in years. Honestly, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Right now, they are here with me, all day, every day. But in just a few weeks they will be off, having their own adventures. That is where my mixed feelings come from. I can’t wait for them to start this new stage in their lives. But I still tear up every time I think about dropping them off. Because today it is preschool, but in a blink of an eye both of my babies will be leaving for college. And that will be a boo hoo moment for sure.
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