Do moms really need to start looking for mom friends?
I’ve never been the type to have a lot of friends. I have one good, BEST friend 1,000 miles away. I have my husband and my mom. And they are both also very much, my best friends. I have plenty of blog friends, many of whom I’ve met in person and grown to care about deeply, others I have chatted online with for well over a decade and many know me as much or even more than some of my own family members. I have very cool brothers and in-laws, all of whom I enjoy hanging out with just as much. But when it comes to planning a girls’ night out or a mutual play date for the kids AND me, I come up short on people to call. I’m an introvert, so I don’t do these types of things on a whim.
I take my girls to many local events in our new city. Before we moved, I joined online parenting groups that facilitated play dates for my area. I figured I’d get a jump start and start looking for mom friends right away so I didn’t have to feel so lonely. I was determined to find amazing mom friends that so many of my acquaintances seemed to have. I’ve met plenty of nice women along the way, but I also realized some things, both about myself and the process, and I decided it’s not for me anymore to be looking for mom friends.
Here’s why I stopped looking for mom friends:
- Just about anyone can procreate. That doesn’t make them awesome people. I know, judge me. I am not saying I’m a better mom than anyone else, but I am saying that just because we share the common denominator of both having a child does NOT mean we are meant to be.
- Finding friends is like dating. I didn’t date in high school. I had crushes here and there. Nothing ever panned out. My husband and I met at work. We became very good friends. And then one day he took a leap of faith and kissed me. We never dated. We literally went from friends to madly in love. If dating is anything like sifting through all the mom friend duds, I am very, very glad I skipped this step.
- I actually like playing with my kids. So here’s the thing; maybe it’s different for me since I have three kids, two of which are twins, or maybe not. I’m still not sure. Every time we’ve tried going on a play date or to a group event to make friends (both for me and the kids), all the moms stand in a far corner chit chatting away, sipping coffee and randomly glancing up after their children call out a half dozen times while I actively run around with my girls, helping them build or spotting them when they want to climb on a piece of equipment that is challenging for them. We giggle. Oh, and then there’s that mean kid, always, in every group we’ve ever been in. The mean kid always picks on my girls. The mean kid’s mom is NEVER around. I don’t scold children that aren’t my own. I use phrases like, “Let’s be gentle” and, “Do you want to share with us?” And of course, the mean kid continues to be mean and the mom never even notices because she’s too busy engrossed in the latest gossip. I rarely even get a chance for small talk with other moms because I’m involved with my kids.
I’m not saying that I’ll never make room for mom friends again. I just know what I’m looking for and I know when it’s just not a good fit.Want to know how I met my best friend? We were both pregnant with twins,
due the same month in a Facebook community. Once the babies were born, I had a breastfeeding question so a mutual friend (also a mom of twins due the same month as us) told me to text her. It was that simple. We just hit it off. We have a million things in common and just as many things different. But we just hit it off.
If that happens at a library lap time sometime in the future, I would gladly welcome a new friend into my life, but no more of this seeking out nonsense for me. I realize now that I am plenty content with my small group of support and there’s no reason to force someone new into my mold.
What do you think? Have you given up on finding the perfect mom friend? Or have you already hit it off with plenty of moms in your area?
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