Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Sex, Drugs and Santa: Why Me?

By Katie

I enjoy hearing what my kids have to say, whether they know I am listening or not. You will often find Facebook status updates with things I have overheard my kids say, or things they have said directly to me. I know my kids aren't much different from others their age, and that the whole "Kids Say the Darndest Things" mantra is at least two decades old, but I'm still consistently amused by what comes out of the mouths of my four little ones.


The little man of the family
While the girls tend to say outright silly things, my stepson Ferris is much more intellectual. He asks the tough questions, without actually realizing that he is asking the tough questions. 

If you have never met Ferris, let me explain him a little for you. Like most five-year-old boys, he does not generally mince words. He's pretty good at saying what is on his mind. He is also very difficult to distract from anything. Changing the subject is futile when Ferris is around. I admire his concentration, especially since I forget the next word in my sentences and just trail off and shrug my shoulders on a pretty consistent basis. 

Actually, Ferris usually reminds me what I was talking about or makes suggestions based on context of what he believes I might be trying to say. It's quite helpful.

It seems like every time a heavy or deep question about life pops into his brain, he seeks me out for the answers. Why me? I'm not sure. It could be a coincidence. Or my answers entertain him.

There was the discussion we had about childbirth where I ended up being a little more frank than I would have planned in advance. What can I say? He caught me off guard. There have been several others and I started to rattle them off to my husband last week and decided I'd share. Some are a few months old, while others just happened. Here are a few of the conversations about the tougher topics to the best of my recollection.



Why Red Ribbons?

Ferris: Why is it red ribbon week at school?
Me: The red ribbons are supposed to remind you not to do drugs.
Ferris: What are drugs?
Me: Um... well, you know when you take your vitamins? Drugs are sort of like those. Wait, no. That's not right. Okay. Drugs look like little vitamins, well not the kind you take, but the adult kind like I take but they are actually really bad for you.
Ferris: Why are they bad?
Me: They can make you feel really sick. You can die from taking drugs. Yes, drugs make you die.
Ferris: (wide eyed) Can you take drugs on accident??
Me: Oh no!!! No, no. Only adults take drugs and they know exactly what they are doing. 
Ferris: Then why do the kids at my school need red ribbons to remember not to take them?
Me: I don't know. It's just a thing. Red Ribbon Week. It's a thing.

Michelangelo's Cool Moves

Me (to three older kids in the car): Do you guys know where the Ninja Turtles got their names?
(Silence)
Me: From four famous artists. Michelangelo painted the ceiling of a really famous church with angels and clouds and other beautiful things and is VERY famous for it.
Emilia: Michelangelo the turtle is VERY famous too because he has really cool moves.
Ferris: What is church?
Me: (completely aghast) Church? You know what church is.
Ferris: Oh yeah. Church.
Me: Do you really not know what church is? Okay, a church is a place where people who believe in God go to worship him.
Ferris: What about Hanukkah people? Do they go to church too?
Me: Yes. Well, sort of. They go to Temple, or a Synagogue. But it is the same idea. 
Emilia: Look - there's a church!
Ferris: That's a synagogue, Emme. (it was)

Voting Preference

Ferris: Katie, are you going to vote for the President?
Me: Yes. I'm going to vote for a lot of people. Voting is really important and you can do it when you are 18.
Ferris: If I could vote, I would vote for Mitt Romney.
Me: Okay.... well, voting is a personal choice. What is it about Mitt Romney that you like so much?
Ferris: My friend Gabriel told me I should vote for Mitt Romney.

Green and White

Me: You need to wear green and white to school today in honor of the kids from Sandy Hook.
Ferris: Why? (crap...)
Me: Because some of them got hurt and it is a nice thing to do to show support.
Ferris: Are you going to wear green and white?
Me: I guess I could. I'm not sure if I actually have anything green that would work.
Ferris: This is why I keep telling you that you need a Yoshi shirt like me. 
Me: You do? When did you tell me that??
Ferris: I just told you. You need a Yoshi shirt. Like me.

Santa in Two Places

Ferris: How does Santa know that we have two houses to bring us all our toys?
Me: Santa knows everything. 
Ferris: But it's not fair if Santa takes us toys two places if other kids only get one.
Me: Well, he gives you the same amount of toys. Just splits it up. The rest are from me, daddy, mommy and grandma and grandpa. 
Ferris: How does Santa know what toys I want here, and what toys I want at my mommy's?
Me: He does his best but if one goes to the wrong spot, you can always take it in the car to the other place.
Ferris: I bet Santa's parents were divorced too so he understands.
Me: Could be. Does that make you sad?
Ferris: No. I want to be like Santa. Everybody likes him.


Have your kids ever asked you similar questions? I'd love to hear how other people address these!

You can contact Katie by emailing her at katie@mumblingmommy.com, or leave a comment below.

While you are here, you may also like these posts:

Finding a Place for Ferris

How to Be a Good Stepmom

Bringing Home Baby: A Strange Reaction

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