It was my
weekend to volunteer in my daughter’s preschool Sunday school class, and the
two girls I chatted with were insistent.
 |
| Don't follow the crowd! |
“His name is
Justin BEAV-er,” one proclaimed, clearly exasperated at having to pronounce his
name for me. “It’s not Bee-ber. It’s BEAV-er!”
“I love his
music,” the other girl confessed.
I found the
entire conversation highly amusing, but then I glanced over at my daughter, Megan,
sitting alone at the other end of the snack table, left out of the discussion.
In our house, children’s bards like Steve Songs and Raffi reign. She has no
clue who Justin Bieber – sorry, I mean Justin Beaver – is.
So here, at 4
years old, it all begins. The pop culture trends. The peer pressure. That
feeling that everyone else is two steps ahead. One of the things I love most
about being an adult is that I can leave all that behind. Except now I must
watch my own daughters navigate the same tumultuous classrooms, playgrounds,
and even youth groups, all populated with young people unsure of themselves,
still learning, and most of them desperate to not stick out any more than
necessary.
My husband
and I are just beginning to talk about how we will guide our daughters through
their school years. We know they will encounter kids whose values differ vastly
from ours. How do we help them manage when the cafeteria lunch table
conversation revolves around a television show they don’t watch? Our daughters
will likely struggle more because, for personal and financial reasons, we have
cut cable television. How do we help them save face when they’re teased for not
wearing the coolest fashions? For having the most basic cell phone? For being
kind to the unpopular kids?
These are
some of the issues we have barely begun to discuss. Our girls are still young,
but I have some ideas about what I’d like them to know as they begin school
during the next few years:
1. Pursue your own interests and talents,
not what the crowd dictates.
2. You don’t have to have one lifelong,
exclusive best friend.
3. It is better to be generous than to have
the latest clothes and gadgets.
4. It is better to be kind than popular.
Most adults
will freely admit that school years, particularly middle school and high
school, are not the best years of life as has so often been preached. Be wary
of anyone who tells you otherwise; he was likely the jock who regularly
tormented the chubby girl in class. Life gets better and easier, and there are
more important things than homecoming court or branded clothes.
I hope to
communicate that to my daughters, to teach them life is more than just keeping
up with the pack, to encourage them to become the best women they can be. I’m
sure I’ll learn plenty along the way. Meanwhile, we still won’t be listening to
Mr. Beaver anytime soon.
You can
contact Rachael by emailing her at Rachael@mumblingmommy.com.
Other posts you may like:
3 comments:
This really hits home because the protective mommy side of me doesn't want my boys to ever suffer bullying or rejection, having endured both as a pre-teen. But I also know that if they were able to go through life always popular, always accepted, they would probably grow up to be very self-absorbed adults. I've seen a few people like that, and I wouldn't want my kids to be that way. I want them to have a strong sense of self, but that does come at a price, it seems.
You're right, Elizabeth. It does no good to completely shelter our children, but as a mom I also don't want to just throw them to the lions. It's so hard for kids to understand that there's more to the world than the narrow realm they and their peers inhabit. That's where supportive parents - and other adults - come in. I think our guidance can make a world of difference.
My friends and I talk about things like this a lot. And we always remind ourselves that the simple fact that we are so worried about instilling these things in our children already means we are doing something right. We just have to remember to keep saying those words to our kids AND backing it up with actions. "They" always say "Be the person you want your kids to be." Easier said than done a lot of times, but strong and steady wins the race. My daughter has already struggled with different social issues, and I just reaffirm what we have taught her about how to treat people and what's important. And I'm been doing a LOT of reassuring that she can always tell me anything on her mind, that I am always ready to listen. I think that makes a really big difference, especially when they are young and still wanting to talk to you. Hopefully that will lay good groundwork for the (ugh) teen years.
Post a Comment