As you may know from this blog, I am 35, recently divorced and a mother a 2-year-old girl. Not what I had planned when I accepted the proposal, organized a large wedding and excitedly planned to have a baby but as I tell my students “you get what you get and you don’t get upset.”
Still, though I hate to admit it, I occasionally ask “Why?” and “How?” But then I quickly remember that if all of this had not happened then I would not be where I am right now -- cuddling on the couch watching "Toy Story" with Lindsay and typing a few words at a time, while I laugh at every part that I am programmed to react to.
In the car we have slowly started to phase out the nursery rhymes during our hour drive and when the Christmas songs overload my brain, I happily enjoy listening to my country station. During these “White Christmas” breaks, I am reminded that others feel the same way about being in the right place in their life right now despite a difficult past. Just last week I heard ‘Led Me Here to This’ by Darius Rucker and ‘The Day Before You’ (ironically my wedding song) and ‘Bless this Broken Road’ by Rascal Flatts. All of these songs recognize that the math equation A+B=C is true and share the belief that if A and B didn’t happen then neither would C. If I didn’t break up with a former boyfriend, I would not have met my ex-husband and would not have had Lindsay and would not be having this terrific moment in the car with her.
So when I hear these songs I smile and think ‘Wow, I am lucky’. But I caution myself because if Melissa 2011 preached this to Melissa 2010, I think she would have popped her in the nose. A friend of mine is currently going through a divorce and I try to relate without preaching. I try to reassure him that although this is shocking and devastating, it will lead to a new normal, happier life. I remind him that if he doesn’t go through this painful and aggravating process, then he won’t have his own happily ever after in the future. I try to explain that his A and B are difficult, but C is going to be amazing!
All of the pain and anguish and guilt that I have had this past year is strangely worth it as I get ready to put the cutest footy pjs on my baby girl. I am lucky enough that Lindsay’s dad feels the same way and we recognize that we are blessed to have Lindsay even though our happily ever after didn’t happen together. It has been worth all the tears and broken hearts to be right here, where we are supposed to be. I
It all happens for a reason, they say, and I believe that to be true and when I doubt it, I look at Lindsay.